How are you feeling?

“How are you feeling?”

Since announcing the upcoming arrival of baby #2 (a boy!) in November, this question has largely replaced the standard “How are you?” when folks greet me. It drives me nuts.

Why, you might ask, does such a simple, and presumably well-meaning, question drive me up the wall??

I don’t know. Not really. But I have some rough thoughts about it.

“How are you feeling?” seems to insinuate some degree of familiarity. The question doesn’t bother me so much when it comes from my spouse or my mother or my mother-in-law. They genuinely want to know how I am feeling.

But from others, question seems to go, well, beyond what’s seemly to ask someone who’s not closely related to you or with whom you are not long, long time friends or intimately acquainted. Think about it: how often do YOU ask someone how they feel? If you’re not ill or pregnant or in mourning, when does anyone ever ask you “How are you feeling?” Unless you happen to be sitting on the proverbial couch with your shrink of choice, visiting your physician, or sitting at a loved one’s funeral, people don’t generally probe into your feelings (physical or mental).

“How are you feeling?” also seems to imply some degree of solicitousness, which, I propose, is only affected and not genuine. People want to seem like they care about your pregnancy so that ask how you feel. I fail to believe that some random acquaintance, business colleague, neighbor, or even most of my friends really want to know that I am feeling gassy, bloated, rather stricken with heartburn, exceptionally tired, and a little surprised to be having a boy but otherwise FANTASTIC, thank you very much.

Let’s face it, the standard “how are you?” or “how’s it going?” doesn’t mean anything. People don’t want to know how you are. They want a “fine. How are you?” in response and then for everyone to get on with their day. No one really cares about your bad day or your promotion that has you on top of the world or your irritation with your spouse because he forgot to pick up the clothes you needed from the cleaners in spite of four reminders. Why should things be any different just because there’s a baby in my uterus??

Finally, “how are you feeling?” seems to imply that I shouldn’t be feeling well. And, as noted above, other than feeling gassy, bloated, rather stricken with heartburn, exceptionally tired, and a little surprised to be having a boy, I feel FANTASTIC! With my first pregnancy, a dear friend persistently asked me “how are you feeling?” with a furrowed brow and look of deep concern on her face. After about 10 times, I couldn’t take it anymore and finally had to say, “I feel FINE. I’m not TERMINALLY ILL. I’m PREGNANT.”

I know, I know, some women have terrible pregnancies with lots of awful side effects and they do not feel FINE. But, you know, they probably don’t want you implying that they should feel like crap. And they probably don’t want folks’ faux solicitousness or unjustifiably insinuated familiarity, either.

Or it could all just be that I have raging hormones and anything anyone says to me is likely to be taken completely out of context.

So, next time you see me, do yourself a favor. Feel free to say hello, but unless you REALLY want to know how I’m feeling stick to “how’s it goin’?” and just steer clear of the crazy pregnant lady’s pet peeves.

It's been a long time...

I've been absent. I'm sorry. I've been pregnant. I've got other things to think about. But, I have been reading, and I do have some random thoughts to share. First, the reading update:

100. Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll
99. The Cat Who Covered the World by Christopher S. Wren
98. The Turn of the Screw by Henry James
97. Emily the Strange by Anonymous
96. Anathem by Neal Stephenson
95. The Higher Power of Lucky by Susan Patron, illustrated by Matt Phelan
94. A Thief in the House of Memory by Tim Wynne-Jones
93. Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv
92. An Abundance of Katherines by John Green
91. Beauty by Robin McKinley
90. The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle
89. The Unicorn Sonata by Peter S. Beagle
88. Revenge by Stephen Fry
87. Summerland by Michael Chabon
86. Becoming Myself: Reflections on Growing up Female by Willa Shalit
85. The Stars My Destination by Alfred Bester
84. The Crimes of Charlotte Bronte by James Tully
83. Alphabet Juice by Roy Blount Jr.
82. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
81. A Death in White Bear Lake: The True Chronicle of an All-American Town by Barry Siegel
80. The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade by Ann Fessler
79. Captain Alatriste by Arturo Perez Reverte
78. Purity of Blood by Arturo Perez Reverte
77. The Sun Over Breda by Arturo Perez Reverte
76. The King’s Gold by Arturo Perez Reverte
75. Mosaic by Amy Grant
74. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
73. Aquarium Care of Bettas by David E. Boruchowitz
72. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
71. The Miserable Mill (Book 4 in a Series of Unfortunate Events) by Lemony Snicket
70. A Drowned Maiden’s Hair by Laura Amy Schlitz
69. Pilgrims by Elizabeth Gilbert
68. Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8: Volume 2: No Future for You
67. Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8: Volume 3: Wolves at the Gate
66. McSweeney’s Enchanted Chamber of Astonishing Stories edited by Michael Chabon
65. Spike: After the Fall by Joss Whedon
64. Hateship, Friendship, Courtship, Loveship, Marriage by Alice Munro
63. Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman
62. Moral Disorder and other stories by Margaret Atwood
61. Stern Men by Elizabeth Gilbert
60. The Hour I First Believed by Wally Lamb
59. Hood by Stephen Lawhead
58. Scarlet by Stephen Lawhead
57. The Ruby in the Smoke by Philip Pullman
56. Tithe: A Modern Faerie Tale by Holly Black
55. Hercule Poirot’s Chistmas by Agatha Christie
54. The Austere Academy (Book 5 in a Series of Unfortunate Events) by Lemony Snicket
53. The Ersatz Elevator (Book 6 in a Series of Unfortunate Events) by Lemony Snicket
52. The Vile Village (Book 7 in a Series of Unfortunate Events) by Lemony Snicket
51. Shadow in the North by Philip Pullman
50. The Tiger in the Well by Philip Pullman
49. Peril at End House by Agatha Christie
48. Ironside by Holly Black
47. Mirror Mirror by Gregory Maguire
46. Getting the Girl by Markus Zusak
45. Looking for Alaska by John Green
44. The Last Child by John Hart

Now read on (or above) for my random thoughts!