I read this blog as a result of a friend’s Facebook share: http://www.dadncharge.com/2014/07/banish-playdate.html?m=1. It got me thinking. I had several responses pop into my head, a
number of them pretty snarky, so I’ll try to clean them up here, both in terms
of organization and niceties.
1. When children are
very small, playdates are about the parents, not about the children. And that’s ok. Let’s face it, three-month-olds don’t use the
phone and they don’t ride bikes. They
don’t care if there are other babies nearby, much less if said babies want to
play. The fact is that parents of little
children often need an outlet. Some need
adult conversation because they are at home all day with little people who
babble nonsense words. Some work full-
or part-time and appreciate the opportunity to talk to other people who are in
the same situation, people who actually WANT to hear about their precious
bambino blowing spit bubbles when she smiles or having diaper issues or getting
gas after eating squash. Or
whatever. The point is, it’s not about
the kids. And the adults who it IS about
need that time together. For whatever
reason.
2. Even though those
kids are very small and it is all about the parents, those early playdates can
lead to the creation of lifelong friendships.
My best friend for my whole life is Rachael. We grew up next door to each other. But we became friends because our similarly
situated mothers (who are just night and day in personalities) liked each other
and hung out. Sure, later, we had access
to phones and bikes, but, initially, we were friends because our moms
were. And forty years later (man, that
makes me a little teary), we are STILL friends.
Similarly, when you ask my kids who their friends are, the ones that top
the list consistently are the ones they have known forever. Because I set up playdates before they were
old enough to pick up a phone or ride a bike.
(Yes, they have what I call “friends of the moment” – friends from their
class or from camp or from meeting at the park – and sometimes those friends become long-term friends.)
3. Frankly, I think
this dad is waxing all nostalgic for a time that didn’t exist for many of
us. Maybe he grew up with the ideal
suburban childhood with friends around every cul-de-sac or corner. But not every parent had that childhood. I certainly don’t have much nostalgia for
spontaneous play with all my friends. Remember
Rachael? Yeah, she was also my ONLY
friend who lived near enough to do spontaneous play. I grew up in the sticks. If I wanted to see any of my other friends,
guess what? I had to pester my mom to
call their mom to set up a time. Because
even though we could use phones and bikes, we couldn’t DRIVE. Because they lived miles and miles away. Down state highways (one fondly referred to
as “Death Road”).
So, sure, let your kids have spontaneous play as much as
they can. I love it when my kids have
pick-up play with neighbors, and I regularly point to the front or back yard
and send them on their way to engage in hours of self-entertainment (or really,
since there are two of them, in hours of mutual entertainment). But don’t dis the playdate.
