How are you feeling?

“How are you feeling?”

Since announcing the upcoming arrival of baby #2 (a boy!) in November, this question has largely replaced the standard “How are you?” when folks greet me. It drives me nuts.

Why, you might ask, does such a simple, and presumably well-meaning, question drive me up the wall??

I don’t know. Not really. But I have some rough thoughts about it.

“How are you feeling?” seems to insinuate some degree of familiarity. The question doesn’t bother me so much when it comes from my spouse or my mother or my mother-in-law. They genuinely want to know how I am feeling.

But from others, question seems to go, well, beyond what’s seemly to ask someone who’s not closely related to you or with whom you are not long, long time friends or intimately acquainted. Think about it: how often do YOU ask someone how they feel? If you’re not ill or pregnant or in mourning, when does anyone ever ask you “How are you feeling?” Unless you happen to be sitting on the proverbial couch with your shrink of choice, visiting your physician, or sitting at a loved one’s funeral, people don’t generally probe into your feelings (physical or mental).

“How are you feeling?” also seems to imply some degree of solicitousness, which, I propose, is only affected and not genuine. People want to seem like they care about your pregnancy so that ask how you feel. I fail to believe that some random acquaintance, business colleague, neighbor, or even most of my friends really want to know that I am feeling gassy, bloated, rather stricken with heartburn, exceptionally tired, and a little surprised to be having a boy but otherwise FANTASTIC, thank you very much.

Let’s face it, the standard “how are you?” or “how’s it going?” doesn’t mean anything. People don’t want to know how you are. They want a “fine. How are you?” in response and then for everyone to get on with their day. No one really cares about your bad day or your promotion that has you on top of the world or your irritation with your spouse because he forgot to pick up the clothes you needed from the cleaners in spite of four reminders. Why should things be any different just because there’s a baby in my uterus??

Finally, “how are you feeling?” seems to imply that I shouldn’t be feeling well. And, as noted above, other than feeling gassy, bloated, rather stricken with heartburn, exceptionally tired, and a little surprised to be having a boy, I feel FANTASTIC! With my first pregnancy, a dear friend persistently asked me “how are you feeling?” with a furrowed brow and look of deep concern on her face. After about 10 times, I couldn’t take it anymore and finally had to say, “I feel FINE. I’m not TERMINALLY ILL. I’m PREGNANT.”

I know, I know, some women have terrible pregnancies with lots of awful side effects and they do not feel FINE. But, you know, they probably don’t want you implying that they should feel like crap. And they probably don’t want folks’ faux solicitousness or unjustifiably insinuated familiarity, either.

Or it could all just be that I have raging hormones and anything anyone says to me is likely to be taken completely out of context.

So, next time you see me, do yourself a favor. Feel free to say hello, but unless you REALLY want to know how I’m feeling stick to “how’s it goin’?” and just steer clear of the crazy pregnant lady’s pet peeves.