Personality

It really is interesting how early distinct personality traits come out in children. It seems some kids are just born gregarious or shy, athletic or bookish, talkative or reticent. As a parent, I find myself walking a line between embracing my child’s natural tendencies and encouraging her not to be limited by them.

DD has never been one for large group activities. Don’t get me wrong. She loves to play with friends. One-on-one play-dates work well. Having three little girls over for a special birthday play-date was the perfect fit.

But, while some other children jump right into the fray at large birthday parties, for example, DD hangs back and watches from a “safe” distance. Though we’ve encouraged her to participate (she is still, after all, at the age where parents hang around for parties), we’ve never pushed her to get involved. Oh, she’ll eat the cake and maybe play with a toy, but if the party gets really going, she’s ready to go too – home!

We saw another example of this tendency this week. A group of parents and children in our neighborhood gets together weekly for toddler soccer. We skipped the activity last season, but this time, when the announcement came out, I asked my husband if it were something he’d like to do with DD. He asked her whether she’d like to play soccer with the other kids and got an excited, receptive “yes.” For several days, we heard a lot about “playing soccer with the other boys and girls in the park.”

But when we arrived at the park, it was clear that our child’s loner tendencies are still quite strong. DD took one skeptical look at the ten or so other children and their various parents and other caregivers and hung back. After a few minutes of holding onto her soccer ball and watching the others enthusiastically run around kicking pint-sized balls, she told my husband, “I’m ready to go home and play with my toys now.” No amount of encouragement would convince her to put the ball down and give it a good kick with the other children. She ended up contentedly swinging and playing on the jungle gym – by herself – for about thirty minutes before we headed home.

So how do we walk the line between her reticence and our desire for her to function in a group? For now, there’s no soccer in DD’s immediate future. Maybe we’ll look for other ways to encourage athleticism and fitness that fit more closely with her personality – tennis or golf, perhaps. We’ll keep her in the art class she loves, which has her in a group setting of about eight children but with individual-focused activities like painting, drawing, and sculpture and with two teachers to oversee the interactions. And we’ll arrange lots of play-dates!