Nod & Smile

I wonder how many other parents out there are “nod and smile” parents like me?

Since having DD, I have learned one of the best overall parenting rules: trust your instincts, and as a result, I have become a “nod and smile” parent. Let me tell you the story.

When DD was about ten weeks old, her weight plateaued. At the same time, she began struggling at the breast and having green mucus-y poop, which my sister dubbed “the mucus monster.” Every time we nursed, it was upsetting to watch her squirm and fuss, and the diapers… well they were a nightmare.

So we did what many parents do: we turned to the pediatrician. He quickly diagnosed reflux and put her on medication. DD hated the medication, and it seemed to suppress her appetite further. But we plugged on.

We went back to the doctor for a check-in. Still no weight gain, so he told me to use a supplemental nursing system (SNS). Ever heard of that? It’s a delightful contraption. You pump milk, fill this little container that rests between your breasts while you’re nursing, and tape small tubes attached to the container to your breasts, making sure that the ends of the tubes line up with your nipples. That way, when baby nurses, she gets extra milk. Dutifully, I complied with the doctor’s order.

DD refused to nurse at all if I had the SNS on. After several attempts, I scrapped it. I mean, she was not gaining weight in the first place, so it made no sense to use something that caused her to refuse to nurse at all.

We went back to the doctor. This time we saw a nurse practitioner, who treated me like I was the most horrible mother in the world because my child was not gaining weight. Clearly, it was my fault. I mean, I had stopped using the SNS. And when she told me I must give DD additional bottles, I told her DD refused bottles. (Boy did she. She fought bottle-nursing so vigorously, regardless of who gave her the bottle, that we abandoned that battle after four or five weeks of fighting.) That went over really well with the nurse practitioner, let me tell you. I left the appointment almost in tears with instructions to continue the reflux medication and the proviso that if DD didn’t gain weight, we would HAVE to formula-feed (which I don’t know how that would work, exactly, with a child who refuses a bottle). (Note, we’ve refused to see that nurse practitioner ever again.)

So I went home and again did what many parents do: I turned to other sources. I re-read the breastfeeding guide I got in my breastfeeding class. I scoured Dr. Sears’ The Baby Book for information. I talked to my mother-in-law and mother and the moms in my playgroup.

And, yes, I went on the internet. I ended up at the La Leche League website where I discovered information about rapid milk letdown. See, it’s this situation where the milk letdown is so vigorous that the baby – get ready for this – struggles at the breast and has green, mucus-y poop. (The mucus monster is the result of baby nursing shallowly in an effort to avoid the rapid ejection of milk then popping off and therefore getting dilute, not-very-fatty milk.) In other words, the baby has symptoms almost identical to those of reflux, which is, according to the website, often misdiagnosed. No wonder DD wouldn’t nurse with the SNS in place – it was exacerbating the problem she was struggling against!

The La Leche website offered a few suggestions, including nursing baby on the same side over several feedings to make sure she gets the most concentrated fattiest milk, not doing the traditional alternating nursing, and (dah duh dum) introducing solid food. I decided to trust my instincts that THIS was what was going on with DD and scrap the doctor’s advice. I immediately took DD off the reflux medication and threw it away. I ditched the SNS forever. And (gasp) I bought rice cereal, applesauce, and pears for my four-month-old. We began non-alternate nursing (e.g., nursing session one is right breast then left, session two is left then right, session three is right then left, and so on) or nursing solely on one side for three or four sessions. At my mother and mother-in-law’s advice, DD started with rice cereal then smacked down applesauce and, a few days later, pureed pears.

She gained weight. Almost a pound in four days.

She stopped struggling at the breast.

The mucus monster went away.

Victory, right?

We went back to the doctor, who proceeded to lecture me on the dangers of introducing solid foods before six months. I was astounded. I was thinking, “Really? You’re going to lecture me on feeding my child solids ‘early’ when I’ve told you I don’t think it’s reflux, that she won’t nurse when I wear the SNS, that she refuses to take a bottle, and that she’s gained a POUND in FOUR DAYS because of what I’m doing? Not to mention that we have NO history of food allergies on either side of the family AND my mother-in-law and mother both told me they put rice cereal AND applesauce in our bottles at THREE WEEKS??????”

What did I do? I nodded and smiled. And I went home and did exactly what I thought was best for my child.

(And I switched doctors.)

About five weeks ago, we saw our current pediatrician for DS’s one-month check-up. The doctor, in his typical non-nonsense way, told me to introduce the bottle now. (Not “if you’re doing it, now is the time” but “do it now.”) Then, at our two-month check-up, he gave me advice about getting my attachment-parenting-style-parented son to sleep through the night. The advice largely consisted of “let him cry it out”-style instructions.

Me? I just nodded and smiled.